My Official Stance on Butter

I don’t like butter.

There. I said it. Hate if you want. Haters gon’ hate! Speaking of hate, I *HATE* the smell of melted butter (along with the smells of coffee and cigarette smoke - apparently I have a sensitive olfactory system). It’s a blessing and a curse.

Anyway, I’ve not cared for butter my entire life. My Mom doesn’t like it, so that probably explains part of my dislike. However, I really came into my own as a butter hater way back in ‘90. Seems like a lifetime ago. I was but a young lad. Not too far out of high school (3 years to be exact) in my last year of a 4 year Army enlistment.

I had a part time job working at a movie theater. Yep, I had a part time job while in the Army. I was driving a HMMWV (or Hummer to you civilian folk) for a full bird Colonel at the time and stationed at Ft. Lewis in Washington state, just South of Tacoma. I was bored and already on my way out of the Army. Ready to meet new people and make new friends. Also, I would get to see movies for FREE. And I love movies.

One of the many duties I had while working at the movie theater was making the popcorn. I actually enjoyed making the popcorn until it came time to add the melted butter. I don’t know what it is about it. I just about gag upon smelling it. During the year I worked at the theater, I made a lot of popcorn and therefore put a lot of butter on popcorn. Needless to say I didn’t enjoy this. At all.

But FREE movies!!

So now, here I am, 20 years later (don’t worry about how old I am) and I still don’t like butter.

There is one exception to this rule.

Texas Toast. I love me some Texas Toast. With a very light coating of butter and grilled to caramelize (correct term?) the bread. I’m a born and raised Texan, so I guess it stands to reason that I would like Texas Toast. I guess I can tolerate the butter on it because the smell isn’t very strong and I do like the flavor of Texas Toast. But then I just really love bread.

I will elaborate a bit on my butter dislike by saying that if the word “slathered” is used in describing the amount of butter on anything, you can count me out for sure. Olive Garden breadsticks? Too often slathered in butter. That’s a no go. Nor can I have it on my pancakes or French toast. Syrup only please. And not too much as I don’t like my pancakes or French toast soggy. Ick. I like my syrup on the side so I can dip. But that’s a whole other and far less interesting blog post. Not that this one is particularly interesting.

So, now you know. I hope this clears things up once and for all. If you have any questions, feel free to ask via Twitter @elegantmachines and have a great day!